Below are two roommate-wanted ads from a rental mailing list I'm
on. Finding a place to live in San Francisco is next to impossible these
days. You might have to be familiar with the current rental situtation to
find these as funny as I do; but probably not...
Hi everyone. The closet is for rent again. The last tenant to move in can't pay the 2,700 rent anymore. So here we go again. The closet is small but serves well as a room. Small window. No cooking past 8pm. Bath is reserved from 6-7am every morning. No t.v. or stereo except to view mine from time to time during primetime on Friday nights. The guy who had moved in is having a rough time. His four wheel drive got vandalized repeatedly by people sick of those dreadful autos. His cushy marketing job got the ax. His stocks have fallen to nothing. He was being harassed all day and night by us locals who are sick of new people flooding our city, calling him "yuppie idiot". He finally had the sense to realize the Marina was built on landfill and isn't safe so now he can't go there and hang out at coffee shops. He is at last leaving our city and going back to the midwest or wherever the heck he's from. He learned that all that coffee he gulped day and night(even on the bus for God's sake) is bad for his health. His girlfriend is an anorexic yuppie who is so skinny she can't even get out of bed anymore, so she's being shipped back to the midwest in a crayon box with her trendy wedgy shoes on. (They used to jog constantly at Chrissy Field until they learned it has toxins in the dirt!) So, bottom line: Only San Francisco born and raised should apply for this room. We really need to stick together us locals. Anyhow, I will be interviewing potential roommies this weekend. Remember 2,700 rent plus 2,000 deposit. Utilities included. Thanks and good luck to all of you.
Loving space available in Terra Linda, Marin; very quiet at the end of the small valley leading into, the Open Space. The room is situated on the eastern side of this pleasant and spacious Eichler. The back, or southern face of the house is almost entirely glass, that welcomes in the completely private backyard and Hot Tub. Flowering trees, rose plants, lilies, morning glories, pansies decorate the backyard, and an ivy-laden fence encompasses the property. The lush lawn is a great place for having a breakfast of strawberries and cream, or enjoying your favorite activities, while watching the iridescent humingbirds sucking nectar. A large orange tree is on the west side of the house; generating super-delicious oranges, to be available during the coming months. Eichler homes often have atriums, as does this clean and high energy home. You will be sharing the home (or home temple) with a vibrant and positive-minded man and wife team whom are involved in music, video, sex positive attitudes, and teach sacred sexuality. They are some of the most caring and concerned people that I have ever met. Very grounded and loving. I've never felt more loved by people with whom I have shared in my life. They hold a weekly event called Ecstatic Sound. Small groups gather and play drums and other musical instruments and sing heart felt songs of positivity. No meat is cooked in the household and no pets please. They are looking for someone whom is friendly, out-going and to be a responsible member of the clothing-optional household. There is a large livingroom w/fireplace that is part of the common area to be shared by all. The dining room holds a large TV set for watching your favorite video. Daily papers being delivered are the Independant Journal and the San Francisco Chronical available for your perusal. Your room is clean, bright and comfortable. As your room faces east sunrise and moon rise fill your space with tons of positive elemental energy. The apple tree now clustered w/miniature apples accents the corner of your view from the large bay window. Outside your window lies a small boxed garden now happy with strawberries and tomatoes. It is a clean carpet that covers your space as well as the total floor space apart from the linoleum kitchen area. You have sliding drawers shelves and a closet, all behind sliding doors to hold your things tidy and invisible. Washer and Dryer are part of the house. A garage allows space for storage. Bisexual women will find this a very special opportunity. You are a stone's throw (+or - a mile and a half) from the Northgate Mall, and are a short downhill bike ride to a convenient market called Scotties ( a small super-market ). A post office is also in this small shopping center. I am planning to leave by 10/1/98, having to relocate for work, so please give me a call so that we can arrange all of the fine details. This is a wonderful opportunity!!!!!